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Are You Listening?

Are you listening?  Do you know me?  Do you love me?

Did you know that 25% of men that get divorced have no idea there are problems with their marriage.  From their perspective, they woke up one day and WHAMO, their wife wanted a divorce!

In a marriage relationship there are many things people desire: a great sex life, financial security, status, children, a home etc.  But think of it, what do you really want from your partner?

I remember many years ago I received a phone call from my best friend.  For the longest time I had admired his marriage.  If any two people were going to succeed, it was them.  They were smart, good looking and entertaining.  After a brief conversation my friend told me that he and his wife were getting a divorce.  I was crushed!  How could this happen?  With some probing I came to understand that gaps had developed in their marriage.  Each felt that the other did not really know who they were and what they wanted from life.  Plus, their communication had become strained.  For a while I thought, if they can’t make marriage work, nobody can.

Since then, I have had many different marriage experiences and I have come to realize that of all the things I can desire from my partner, there are really just three understandings that truly matter: Are you listening? Do you know me? Do you love me?

Think about it, as a wife or a husband what do you really yearn for from your partner?  We can seek for a lot of different things but to truly be connected to someone and be able to grow together we must be able to say to our mates, I am listening; I do know you and I do love you.  In these three declarations the desires of almost every human is captured.  And this is not just applicable to marriage.  Every child is craving to know from their parents are you listening to me, do you know me, do you love me?  And every worshiper hungers to know from their God are you listening, do you know me, do you love me?  To know that we are loved, understood and listened to by another even though we are flawed and imperfect is one of the most important understandings and experiences we can have in this life!  It is the glue that binds us and the catalyst that allows us to grow together!


It does not matter whether you are a spouse, child or believer or all of the above.  Have the courage to approach the significant individuals in your life and ask them, are you listening, do you know me and do you love me and then discuss what that means to you.  Also, you must be willing to reciprocate that which you seek.  With time, devotion and a willingness to work together, you will find that your relationships are becoming what you always hoped they could be.

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