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NOTHING MORE TO GIVE (Sneak Preview Excerpt)
Excerpt from Chapter 1: Merging As One
One evening, I decided to visit the temple alone, as my wife couldn’t accompany me. At the front desk, after presenting my temple recommend, I was asked if I would be willing to participate in Sealings that night. They were short of one man, and I agreed.
During that evening, I had the privilege of being a witness to Sealings of husbands to wives, and children to families. With few responsibilities, my mind wandered into deeper thoughts.
I was astounded by where my ponderings led me that night. I entered into a realm of contemplation I had never before experienced, and the idea that emerged both frightened and exhilarated me. A new possibility began, compelling me to ponder it with extreme sincerity.
As I concluded my temple visit and embarked on the drive home—an hour and a half journey—the idea that had begun in the temple continued to grow. It expanded rapidly, overwhelming me with its implications. I considered all it entailed. Amidst the swirling thoughts and emotions, a question formed—a question that demanded an answer. Somewhere midway to my house, I inquired of myself, and out loud I proclaimed, “Yes, I would merge with you!”
That verbal proclamation filled my chest with an incredible sense of fullness. I knew I had unearthed something significant for the first time—a profound discovery. Like an explorer, I could barely contain my excitement, eagerly awaiting the moment to share this finding with my wife.
Brenda was still awake when I arrived home. “How was your temple trip?” she asked, sensing something had occurred. I expressed my desire to discuss an important question—an immense one. Brenda paused her activities, gazing at me with intrigue and concern. There was something in the tone of my voice that alerted her. As her eyes locked with mine, I felt the excitement I had harbored slowly fade away, replaced by a swirling doubt around my legs. What was I afraid of, I wondered? We had spent 20 years together, building a family, a home, a life. Yet, deep within me, I already knew the answer—the fear that every man faces: the fear of rejection.
“Brenda,” I began, taking the deepest breath I had ever taken, “if we had the opportunity to merge and become a single entity where James and Brenda no longer existed, and we could be one, would you merge with me and become that new creature? But to achieve this, we would have to be completely transparent, granting one another complete access to every aspect of our lives—our thoughts, experiences, desires, doubts, hopes, fears, failings, secrets- everything. If this was possible, would you choose to relinquish your individual self and merge with me?”
The silence that followed was palpable. I sensed that this new idea was as momentous for Brenda as it was for me.
I already knew my answer; I had proclaimed it in the car on the way home. Finally, Brenda broke the silence, her embrace conveying sincerity and kindness. “I would need to ponder that,” she replied. Her response seemed more about contemplating the depth of the proposal than rejecting the idea. At least, that’s what I hoped. But regardless of her answer, I knew it would be honest.
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--- Chapter 1: Merging as One Excerpt